Red Faced

All week I have kept to my diet.  I fought the urge to weigh myself and I exercised daily.  I also prepared for a visit from dear friends of ours from our neighborhood in Texas.  They were to arrive on Saturday. 

Our friends have two boys who were buddies with mine and so we were all really excited.  There would be someone for everyone!  The youngest announced to his class that he was going to see real snow for the first time in his life.  We still had some snow on the ground but it was quickly melting with the unusually warm weather we were experiencing.  Drew and I prayed for snow.  Drew specifically prayed that the snow would melt so that our friends flight would not be delayed and that the next day it would snow up to our thighs so our friends could see snow fall.  Ha!

Saturday morning I got busy.  I needed to clean the house, start a stew in the crock pot and take Gabriel to a birthday party.  Aaron wanted to take the boys out to shop for supplies for their Pinewood Derby cars as the Cub Scouts were having a race in a week.  I thought this was a great idea!  It would allow me to clean undisturbed. 

"I think I'm going to buy them some paint," Aaron told me.

"Um...really?  Paint?  You know I have tons and tons of acrylic paints, right?"

He and the boys went to the hardware store and returned with 6 cans of spray paint.  OK... 

By now I have the upstairs clean and looking lovely.  I still needed to start the stew, clean the basement bathroom, make the guest bed, and vacuum the basement.  Oh and a shower would be excellent!  Before starting that I needed to take Gabe to his friends birthday party.  Aaron could take him but the birthday boys mom had just had a baby and I wanted to congratulate her personally and deliver a gift to her.  After I got home there were only 2 hours until our guests were to arrive.  Eek!

I surveyed the basement.  I noticed that Aaron left the spray paint he bought on the pub table.  He would need to put those away before the guests arrived.  I needed to get the stew started first and then I would tackle the mess downstairs.  I headed up to get things started.  Drew was playing in the basement.  Aaron was cleaning the garage.  I heard him coming in and out and at one time instructing Drew not to mess with the paints. 

I got all of the ingredients out for my stew but found that I was out of red pepper flakes.  I was just about to call Caren to see if she had any when I heard Drew making a hammering noise downstairs.  That can't be good...  I decided to invite him up to help me with dinner.

"No thanks.  I'm playing."

"What are you playing?"

"Nothing..."

Just as I thought that I should find out just what "nothing" is; I heard a Pssssssssssssssssssssssst sound coming from the basement followed by Drew screaming "OH NO!!!  Aaaaaaaaagh!"

I flew downstairs to see a geyser of red spray paint shooting off from my coffee table.  I grabbed the can and ran to the sliding glass door to chuck it out onto the deck.  The door was locked.  So while I fumbled with the door, paint sprayed in my face, getting in my eyes and splattered the glass door.  I finally got it open and tossed the can on to the deck.  As this is happening Aaron, having heard the commotion, comes charging in.  I have to say that I loved, loved, loved his response to seeing the mess that had been made by his son's disobedience of his direct order. 

"Buddy are you OK?!"  he said as he ran to Drew's side.  Then he noticed the can spraying on the deck.  Aaron ran out to toss the can into the yard (Duh.  Much better then repainting the deck) then he rushed back to Drew.

"Settle down buddy.  Did any get in your mouth?  Your eyes?" 

I was trying to blink out the paint that was in my eyes and assess my home.  Before that could be done though Drake came charging through the house.  Aaron had left the door open!  Drake always heads upstairs to hunt for the cats.  Aaron ran after him (You can imagine the shouting and cursing at Drake!) and I ushered Drew into the bathroom and started the tub.

"Take your clothes off Drew," I instructed over his wailing.  Inside I felt like the exploding paint can.  Anger spewed over his disobedience, worry for his safety, empathy for how bad the little guy was already feeling (not to mention that he was scared about the consequence) and stress because in less then two hours I would have a house full of guests.  I looked in the mirror and saw that I would be meeting these guests with a red splattered face.  I went into the living room to what appeared to be a scene from a slasher movie.  Red paint was puddled on the coffee table and splattered across the sliding glass door, dripping down, down to our new carpet.  Not to mention the Zorro sprayed on the front deck. 

Lovely.

Aaron tended to Drew while I tried to clean the sliding glass door.  I was going to need paint thinner.  I also needed red pepper flakes for my stew.  I commenced calling Caren.

"Do you have paint thinner and red pepper flakes we can borrow?"

It was Kevin who answered, "We do!  Come on over, I'll open a bottle of wine."

"I can't.  My diet."

"Aw..." he teased, "...too bad!"

I headed over thinking how much I would really enjoy that glass of wine right now.  When I got to the door I knocked and let myself in.  Our friends Dave and Melissa were there too.  Kevin, Caren, Dave and Melissa all looked at me with horror struck expressions.

"What is that?"  Caren asked.  (She late confessed to me that she thought I had a terrible rash and was thinking don't bring that rash in here!!!)

"It's paint."  I proceeded to relay my story to them.  It was hard to be heard however, over the gales of laughter. 

"Wait a minute,"  Kevin snorted, "let me get a picture of you.  I've got to send this to my mother!"

"Nice, Kev.  Nice." 

"Hey, aren't your friends here?"  Kevin asked.

"They will be here in less than two hours."

"Oh well this is an emergency!"  Kevin ran off to get the paint thinner.

While we waited for Kevin, Caren got her iPhone out for pictures as well. 
"This is the funniest thing ever!  I must say, you are handling this much better than I would be!"

My friends all laughed as I posed with the paint thinner and the GoJo that Kevin brought up for me.  I got the red pepper flakes and took my walk of shame home.  It was later reported to me that the four laughed all night about our little...accident, and took turns telling how they think they would've reacted.

When I got home I handed Aaron the GoJo to start scrubbing Drew's face with.  It has pumice in it so this was none to pleasant for him.  I could hear him in there apologizing profusely the whole time.  Before Aaron got to scrubbing though I got tickled with my friends response and thought a picture had to be taken.  Drew was not so ready to laugh about it but I told him he owed us this picture:

I left Aaron to the Drew-mess and I took the thinner and set to work on the sliding glass door and then the coffee table.  It messed up the coffee table a bit but it's an old beat up one as it is.  The carpet has splatter and drips on it but I left it unattended.  That would have to be tackled another time.
Amazingly, we got it all done.  The bathroom was clean, the bed made, the basement vacuumed and dinner prepared.  I also got my much needed shower though it was not the leisurely one I had hoped for.  Instead I was scrubbing my face with the pumice.  I have to tell you, that stuff made my skin so shiny and smooth!  I may have to add it to the beauty regime...

This is the best we got with Drew:

It took all weekend but the paint is finally gone from his face.  Mostly....
Everything was finished just as my friend text that she was turning onto our street.  WHEW!  We had a wonderful visit with them with a lot of laughs at Drew's and I's expense.  The Texas kids were much impressed with our patches of remaining snow.  The boys had so much fun sledding and building snowmen.  My friends youngest boy kept rolling in it and wrestling with it.  It was hilarious.  We never got the thigh deep snow fall though we did see some flurries.  God answered our prayer for fun in the snow and snow fall but did it His way.  Of course!

I stayed on my diet though I confess to having a piece of popcorn and a glass of wine.  I forgot all about the scale until this a.m.  I was getting another diet friendly breakfast together when it hit me It's TUESDAY! Biggest Loser tonight and Team Purple gets to weigh in!!!  As an unofficial member of Team Purple,  I was so excited that I could finally weigh myself!  I ran into the bathroom and stripped down.  I had a glance over at myself in the bathroom mirror.

I think I look trimmer....Yes!

I just knew I'd see great numbers!  I hopped on and...the dial moved down...one pound.  I couldn't believe it.  I immediately recalled my Aunt Marilyn saying "remember that muscle weighs more than fat."   I tried to give myself a pep talk all morning.  I text Caren who cheered for my loss.

After I got my friends off to the airport and Drew off to school (Gabriel had to stay home sick) I headed to Caren's for Baking Day.  I was going to make an Asian Chicken Salad. 

"You don't seem like your usual self..."  Caren assessed.

"Really?  I guess I'm sad my friends left and I'm really bummed that I only lost one pound."

"Here,"  Caren said as she placed four sticks of butter in my hand, "this is what you lost.  Now put that on your butt."

"I wish I could put it on my butt.  That's where I need it." 

I was so mad about the measly one pound that I went ahead and had a cookie today.  So...take that you stupid diet!  Now I'm back in the saddle but if I don't lose at least two pounds this week then I quit.

O, The Biggest Loser

One of my oldest and dearest childhood friends, Olivia Curlee Ward, is a contestant on The Biggest Loser with her sister, Hannah Curlee.  I grew up with these ladies though I was closer to Olivia than Hannah.  Hannah was the baby sister so mostly I just remember a lot of "Hannah!  Get out!" and the door closed behind her.  I'm so proud of them both and inspired by the whole cast of the show. 

Seeing truly fat people has been good for me.  Sometimes I look in the mirror and can like what I see.  I used to work out a lot so even though I've not gained too much, I see that all the tone has left and turned to fat.  Than I think I'm fat.  (In fact I felt bad for calling the contestants of TBL fat, yet I have no qualms about labeling myself as such.)  In the last 3 years I've gained about 5 lbs a year.  I have to put the breaks on that.  I also have to put the breaks on my language because I am not fat.  I am out of shape to be sure, but I am not fat.  I'm trying not to cry even as I write this because I'm still not sold on it.  When I see the contestants on The Biggest Loser though, I KNOW I'm not fat.  I do not have that commonality with them physically but inside I think we are very similar people. 

On this weeks episode one contestant, Arthur, was presented with the challenge of not eating donuts (even one that had fallen to the ground.)  He said the donuts were calling to him, Eat me!  I know that voice and yes, I have considered eating something that has fallen on the ground or even a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin that someone carelessly threw away.  I will hide that I am eating something "naughty."  Like an addict.  Then there is the constant weighing in.  I'm so afraid that I will get as fat as the fat person inside me.  I have a weight that I will not cross so I check everyday to see how close I am to it.  Just before the move I crossed it by 5 lbs., further reinforcing my belief that I am fat.  Thankfully, the lifestyle here has helped me to get rid of that 5 lbs but I am at "that weight" and so I am in constant concern for the crossover. 

I weigh myself first thing in the morning before I eat breakfast and then sometimes later on in the day before I take a shower.  Sometimes there is a third weigh in if I've just worked out.  Someone asked me the other day if ones weight really changes that much through out the day.  It does.  My weight can fluctuate from 1-4 lbs through out a day. 

This Tuesday the whole family was watching TBL and we had to pause it half way through and put our kids to bed.  We decided its a little too grown up for them to watch.  A Dr. on the show showed the contestants their inner age.  This really started to disturb Gabriel who was then concerned with when we will die.  Drew concerned me the most though.  While Gabe is a skinny lad (born that way, taking after his father) Drew was born a roly poly boy and he still is.  I have always watched his diet more than Gabriel's in part because he is so obsessed with food.  He also really wants to be a chef though and so I don't want to completely squash that love of food.  I don't like when after finishing one meal he starts to ask about the next meal.  Not that I have never done that myself.  I will go to bed full of anticipation for the awesome breakfast that I have planned in the a.m.  But Drew upset me when while watching the show he announced that he should be on the show.

"What?  No you shouldn't buddy.  Why do you say that?"  I asked.

"Because I'm fat."

"No you're not.  Where have you ever heard that?  Why do you say you are fat?"

"Well, we were going to play Alvin and the Chipmunks at school ant the other kids said I should be Theodore because I'm fat."

"Oh buddy, I'm so sorry.  You are not fat though, OK?"

"Yes I am.  Look at my hands and look at Gabe's.  My hands are much bigger than Gabe's."

"That's just how God made you," Aaron piped in.  "You know when your Uncle Matt and I were kids he was always bigger than me even though he is my little brother.  You and Brother are like Uncle Matt and I."

On that note we shut the show off from them and got them ready for bed.  When the kids were in the bathroom brushing their teeth, Drew got on the scale.  The sight scared me some.  I do not want him to start weighing himself.  He can not start that obsession!

"See, I weigh more than brother."

"Drew, get off that scale.  You do not need to weigh yourself.  We told you, Bug, you are just right.  God made you perfect.  He made you different from Brother but you are just right.  There is not a fat body in this house."  I winced inside.

"Well, I don't want anymore candy or ice cream or any sweets and I need to join some kid exercise classes."

"You can enjoy sweets, Bug, but you are more than welcome to cut them back.  That's a healthy thing to do.  And you can exercise when you play or by playing a sport, like when you played soccer."

"I want to play Little League Football in the fall."

"OK, buddy, that sounds like a plan."

So we tucked everyone one into bed and we prayed for healthy mindsets as well as healthy bodies and lifestyles.  I was washed with guilt realizing my verbage and habits were being picked up on by my son.  I have always thought that mothers of daughters should be so careful of that but now I was seeing the effects of this in my own son. 

"Mom, what do you think of yourself?"  Gabriel asked the next morning, "Do you think you look good or do you think you look fat?  Because I don't think you are fat."

"I think that I am out of shape.  I used to be stronger and healthier and I am dieting and exercising to try to get back to that,"  I said to him as well as myself.

"Good.  Because you are beautiful!"

I am on a mission to lose weight.  I have a wedding in March that I want to look good for.  I do not want to be the fat bridesmaid (I already get to be the short one.)  So, I have been upping the exercise and doing South Beach, which is a diet I have had success with in the past.  The first two weeks are very strict with the goal of breaking the bodies addiction to carbs and sugar.  For two weeks there are no grains, fruit, sugar or alcohol.  After that, fruit and some grains are allowed back into the diet.  (Oh and that glass of wine I love can return.) 

Monday went well enough.  Tuesday was Baking Day.  SO FREAKIN' hard to not eat the big beautiful buttermilk bread, banana muffins, and peanut butter balls.  Even the healthy salad one made had rice in it.  Waaagh!  But my friends would not let me falter. We even picked out South Beach friendly recipes for next weeks Baking Day.  That night we watched TBL and I was all upset about Drew-bugs response to it that I vowed to only weigh myself on Tuesday.  Once a week, just like the contestants.  They work hard not knowing if they are making any progress or not. 

Wednesday I went snow shoeing.  WHEW!  Very hard work out.  The hardest part was trying to breathe really.  It's been six months but I am still not acclimated.  Very frustrating....  My chest was hurting from lack of oxygen and the cold air.  Strangely, the pain radiated to my shoulders and neck.  I thought of Hannah and Olivia and how hard they were working and would not let that hill get the best of me.  Going down hill was much easier, of course, but still a good work out.  (PS I have amazingly patient friends who took a slower pace to wait for me.  They also said I did an awesome job!  So kind!)  When I got home I hit the shower.  That is my usual time to weigh myself.  I had two reasons to want to weigh.  One: I had just had a strenuous work out and two: I was about to get in the shower.  I pulled the scale out with my foot, from under my sink...then I tucked it back under there.  Olivia finds out in a week.  I will wait too. 

That evening is our weekly Pizza Night that we have with our friends.  I wanted pizza so bad!  There was also chips and salsa, cookies and wine.  The thing I wanted most were those COOKIES!!!!  These friends gave me permission to cheat. 

"Have a glass of wine or at least one cookie." 

They argued that deprivation makes the body think its starving and so will harbor the fat.  The thing is I did have a big salad so I did not think that my body thought it was starving.  I knew if Caren were there she would not let me cheat and I knew that Olivia was not cheating.  So I fought the urge.

Today I gave Drake a short walk and then went with Caren to a work out with her trainer.

"It's just like Biggest Loser!  You'll love it!"

It was definitely not the regular program.  We started with a circuit of 3 minutes on a treadmill, pushing a weighted sleigh across the floor and then sprinting down and up (pushing sleigh and sprinting 4X), 2 sets of 8 pull ups and chin ups, 200....whatevers...on this ski thing, and then up and down the stairs 10 times.  We did the circuit twice, lessening the amounts some on the second time around.  The next circuit had us jumping rope 50 times (which apparently I can not jump rope...), bouncing a medicine ball off a wall 25 times, 50 trunk twists with a medicine ball, lunges and squat presses with a tube full of water, 20, 20 and 20 of different exercises with this big weighted rope, and then we flipped a tractor tire down the length of the gym and back, only to slam it with a sledge hammer 12 times with each arm.  We also did that circuit twice.  But that's not all!  We then went into a room that had a long bar across the roof.  Hanging from that were stirrups.  We put our feet in the stirrups and did a variety of torturous exercises. 

I was dying from the first circuit.  I was totally ready to go home after that.  I kept thinking of O and Hannah and wondering how in the world were they doing it.  Ladies, my hat is off to you because you are much tougher than me!  Once home I again glared at my scale.

Not today.  When I get on Tuesday though you BETTER have good news for me.

I've decided to take all of this one day at a time.  I'm working on a lot here.  I'm trying to change my thinking, my habits, and my body.  I really can't wait for week three of my diet, when I can have some fruit and that glass of wine....Oo!  I think I can have dark chocolate too!  As I walked down to the bus stop I noticed how the snow was dingy.  Kind of looks like the cinnamon powder that they put on donuts....