That 70's Show

I had my first group class at Arthur Murray tonight.  Before heading to that the family headed out to the "sand lot" for a neighborhood kick ball game.  We had Mom's peeing their pants while running to first base and Dad's pretending to not be able to catch a ball so The Littles could make it to base.  Drew thought he legitimately made it around all of the bases every time.  Ha!  In one play Aaron threw the ball a little too hard and pegged a kid, stealing third base, right in the face!  At the time it was not so funny but retelling it on the back patio with imaginary slow motion was a riot.

Back to the Arthur Murray group class experience:

Such a strange group of people that gather at these things...  To start we all were paired off with a partner.  After learning a step and practicing it together we would then switch to a new one.  Another step would be added and practiced with the new partner and then we'd switch again.

My partners were a series of 1970's television characters.  I began with Hoss from Bonanza.  This dude was huge!  He told sorry jokes but he danced quite well. 

SWITCH!

There I was, face to face with Buddy Hackett.  I kid you not!  This guy was only about 3 inches taller than me.  He wore a Hawaiian print shirt and had an unfortunate head of hair.  Even more unfortunate was his breath.  The stench knocked me back to my dental assisting days and I quickly diagnosed the man with Periodontal disease. 

Let me take a minute right here to inform ya'll that peoples with periodontal disease/gingivitis have a distinct smell to their breath.  It's the smell of stale ca-ca. The smell of infection.  It burns my eyes.  Improper brushing and flossing will lead to puffy, red, bleeding gum tissue but the worst is the bad breath.  Many people think they know how to correctly brush and floss but actually do it WRONG.  Maybe I should do a blog on that...

Anywhoo...I was quite grateful for the proper head position while dancing, which is to the left.  Both dancers look to their left which is away from one another.  Thank God.

SWITCH!

Hello Alan Alda.  This guy was a dead ringer for him!  He was built like him too.  It was uncanny.  I thought about telling him but he was a rather unfriendly fellow who had bitterly been dragged to the studio by his wife.

SWITCH!

Charlie.  Charlie was adorable.  He was there with his fiance, Joanne.  They were preparing for their wedding dance!  Poor Charlie...it's a good thing he was taking lessons because he was rather terrible.  He was not too bad at the tango though!  Wouldn't that make for an interesting first dance?

SWITCH!

We were short a fellow or two and so Kelly volunteered to dance the lead.  She was a very tall, string bean of a gal.  College age.  Super cute and fun!  We had a great time dancing together.  I especially appreciated that she had good hygiene, did not sweat when holding my hand, and did not wear cologne.

SWITCH!

Mr. Farley.  Remember him?  Imagine the goofy landlord from Three's Company at a dance class.  He is a smoker so...yea.  Stinky.  He came with his wife who was dressed in a teal floral print dress with a plunging neckline and with a hemline that was a few inches too short for a gal over 65.  Did I mention she was bra-less?  Though The Ladies could have used the support I have to give her kudos for her fabulous gams!  He legs had incredible tone and shape.  When Mr. Farley tangoed with his wife he pulled her in close and ad-libbed some variations from what the instructor taught us.  When it was my turn to be his partner he assured me we would not be dancing together that way.  I guess there was fear in my eyes...

"Once you've been here long enough then we dance rib to rib."

Haaaawt.

SWITCH!