"Let's Hear It For The Rainbow Tour!"

"Thank you for auditioning.  We will call you with our decisions by Friday."

I was fine on Thursday.  I imagined how I would respond if they said I got the part and then how I would respond if I did not. I was good all day Friday until about 4 p.m.  Then it suddenly hit me that the day was almost over.  I had felt really good about my audition.  I was proud of the work I did and how well I performed.  Felt confident.  When 4 o'clock hit all of my confidence moved out to make way for doubt.  I tried to busy myself with pulling weeds, dishes, laundry, reading...    Texts started coming in asking if I'd heard back yet.  Aaron got home from work and it was 5:30. 

Not looking good.

I poured myself a glass of Bordeaux.

"They haven't called yet, Babe."

"Well, they have not been quick about anything.  Remember everything is slower here."

He is right.  Mountain Time is not just a time zone and they have been slow to get materials and info to us this whole time so I chalked the tardiness up to that.

"Any news?"  Caren texted.

"Not yet.  A glass of wine is due tonight whatever the answer."

"Yes.  I'm ready."

I grabbed my glass and the bottle and walked over to Caren's.  As I trudged up the hill my phone rang and my heart stopped.

It was my mom.

"Haven't heard anything,"  I answered.

Once at Caren's her daughters immediately asked if I'd heard anything and exclaimed how they are sure the directors would not let such talent go to waste.  These girls are the sweetest ever.  They can't see any reason why I can't be a famous artist or singer.

"You are the best singer in the world!"  One said.

"Yeah.  You should audition for The Voice," suggested her oldest.

Absolute dolls!

And then my phone rang again...

"Hey Babe,"  Aaron said.

"Hey."

"The director called.  She wants you to call her back.  Got a pen?"

FINALLY!!!  It was about 7 p.m.   I was certain I was not going to get a call at that point.  Caren and the girls wanted me to call her with them in the kitchen but I had to leave to the deck.

The conversation went like this:

"First we want to thank you for auditioning for us..."

Didn't get it.

"We really enjoyed your reading and your singing is just lovely."

"Thank you."

"We would like to ask you..."

Yes...?

"...if you would be interested..."

Yes...?

"...in being in the dance ensemble?"

Come again?

A burst of laughter escaped me.  "Really?  Me?"   I laughed again, "I'm sorry that sounded bad it's just that...I'm a terrible dancer."  I had considered getting the part or not but I never considered being offered a part in the dance ensemble.  Ha!

"Well first let me just tell you that we really did enjoy your audition.  When you sang I nearly cried.  I told John I could listen to you sing all day."

"Thank you."

"And I'm not just polishing your silver.  You really have a beautiful voice.  Anyone can be trained to hit a note but not everyone has a nice voice and yours is...there was a woman who auditioned before you who had all kinds of training at a music college in Manhattan.  Her voice gave me the chills!  When she left, the room stayed cold.  When you sang the whole place was warmed up.  You sing with emotion and your audience feels it."

"Thank you."

"I really think we will have a role for you in something else because we would really like to utilize your voice and acting ability."

"Thank you.  I would love that.  I'm just...this is funny to me.  I would love to learn to dance..."

"The choreographer said she liked how you moved..."  (Another burst of laughter escaped as a vision of me crying with frustration in Zumba classes flashed before me.) "...and she liked your look.  She wants to work with you and is very nice."

"Oh she is!  I liked her immediately and she really made the audition fun.  Like I said, I would really like to learn and I think this would be good experience that I could add to my resume.  I'll do it."

"Oh you will!  Thank you!"  she practically squealed.

I stayed out on the deck a bit to process what had just happened. 

They don't want me to sing at all?  Did they really like it or was she "polishing my silver" as she said?  They want me to dance.  Must've been slim pickins...

I went back into Caren's kitchen and told the girls.  I felt mixed with excitement for a new opportunity and sad for the opportunity I lost.  I'm sure I seemed mildly insane as I flopped back and forth between laughter and tears.

"It's OK," Caren said, "You can cry."

We moved on to other conversations with her family.  Periodically my face would twist into a question mark as I tried to figure out how this happened. 

At home Aaron congratulated me.  It was the happiest I'd seen him since going through this process.  Bless his heart, he wants me to have the chance to perform and do what I love but there is a thread of jealousy and resentment through it all.  I can totally relate to that.  Felt that way everytime he would travel and call about the amazing steak house he ate at or the golf course he played on.

I was still feeling bewildered and jumbled emotionally as to how I felt about the dance ensemble offer.

"This is God's doing,"  I said to Aaron.  "He thinks He's so funny.  'Well...you wanted to be on Dancing With The Stars so here is your chance.'"

"That's exactly what it is!"  Aaron laughed.

I punched him.

We tucked the kids into bed and then went to bed ourselves.  We got into our tangled version of The Spoon.  I kept my head pressed against his back, needing something solid to rest on since the inside was going every which way, but then his back started to quake.  His whole body was then in spasms.  I recoiled when I realized he was laughing.

"What..."

More laughter.

"Stop it." 

I punched him.

"Stop.  You are making fun of me!"

He finally laughed out, "You're in The Mountain People Dance Troupe!"

"Shut up!"  I laughed and punched him again. 

We were both racked with laughter, tears rolling down our faces.

"God thinks He's so funny."

"Oh He is!"  Aaron chortled.

"Well, I'm going to show Him!"

"Ha!  Be careful woman."

"I am.  He has put me in a place to dance and I'm going to.  And I'm going to be good!"

This really got Aaron's laughter rolling.

From across the hall the boys called out, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing!"  Aaron and I said together and we laughed harder.

"Why are you laughing?  Did mom get the part?"  We could not stop the laughing.  We were roaring now.

"No..."  I snorted.

"What?!  I'm going down there tomorrow to knock some heads."  Gabe said.

"No need for that Gabriel,"  Aaron said through gasps of laughter.  "Your mom did get a part."

"What is it?"  the boys asked in unison.

"She's in the...the...She's in the Mountain People Dance Troupe!  Bwahahaha!"

I punched him again.  The boys were laughing in their beds across the hall and we laughed ourselves exhausted.

I have no idea why I did not get the part.  Maybe when I get to know them better I can ask.  Aaron thinks they were just not going to give the lead to someone they don't know.  Could be.  Could be there was someone much better.  Could be they had a couple of options for Eva but not enough options for dancers.  I know they have plenty for the chorale.... 

The lyrics to Evita's Rainbow Tour kept running through my head. 

"Let's hear it for the Rainbow Tour. 
It's been an incredible success. 
We weren't quite sure...
we had a few doubts. 
Would Evita come through? 
The answer is yes. 
And no. 
And yes. 
And no. 
And yes..." 

I am looking forward to it though.  I have always wanted to learn to dance so now is the time.  It's my Dancing With The Stars moment.

"And now, performing the Argentine Tango, is Michal McDowell..."

Dance Audition

There was a momentary thrill when I learned I got the call back for the dance audition  that quickly was diluted by life.  There were many things at home that I was preparing for and illnesses that I had to battle (boo) but back stage Anticipation was buzzing about.

I was not nearly as nervous about the dance audition as I was about the singing.  I think it's because I have so little experience in dance there was nothing I could do to prepare.  Well, I did take the dance classes at Arthur Murray but my three lessons there would not help much against the gals who have been dancing since they were 5.  The singing audition is scary because it's something that I feel I do have a talent in.  What if they don't like it?  What if I really can't sing and only think I can?  The dance...pfft.  If they don't choose me because of a lack of dance ability I can say, Yeah.  You're right.

They said they may ask some of us to stay and sing again and to watch for an e-mail for new materials.  They never sent new materials and the day before the audition sent an e-mail saying to just be prepared to sing.  So the day before and the day of I worked on my already polished audition pieces.  This was also a comfort because I really wanted a do-over of those songs anyway since the last audition was blurred by nerves and adrenalin.

I would love to share with you about some of the characters that showed up but since there is a possibility that I could be working with them in the near future I had better skip that part.  Yes, be sad because it would make for some great writing!

The first thing the choreographer had us do was walk.

Yes!  I can do that!

She lined us up in rows of five and 5,6,7,8, walk, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8.  This is totally my kind of audition!  This was followed by saches.  Again, a relatively easy move.  I tried to remember to make these very simple things stand out. Walk with your head high and with good posture.  Point your toes on the saches. 

Next she showed us a very basic rumba and salsa.  I felt pretty good about how those went.  (Thanks Zumba! *ding*)  Finally she got down to the choreographed bit.  It was a tango.  She broke it down into two parts and then we put them together.  We were paired off into couples and 4-5 couples at a time would perform the completed dance. 

This whole thing was so fun and a fabulous work out!  I felt really good because twice the choreographer singled me out to compliment something I did and twice she offered to lead since we were short on guys and I danced with her.  The first time I volunteered and the second time she requested me.  YES!  I figured they were good opportunities to get personal pointers. 

After we all danced in our small ensembles the choreographer then asked two of the guys to stay and me and one other woman to stay.  She had us dance with each of the guys.  This same group was then asked to stay to sing.

The other woman had a very lovely voice and good projection but it was almost too lovely and light.  Eva is ambitious and strong.  It was a little scarier performing the songs this time because the others auditioners (auditionees?) stayed to watch.  My voice was shaky.  I'm not sure if that was heard or only felt but I was more present this time and I though, the other woman did well I felt like I out performed her as Eva.  Though, I did notice they told her she did not have to do the reading because they had worked with her before.  So if this was just an off night for her they would know that too. 

All in all it was super fun!  The tango is a blast!  The drama of it!  I'm even a little sore today.  I think the Arthur Murray classes helped in that I knew the proper dance holds; where to place my hands, where to look, etc.  I feel really good about how things went.  We will hear back by Friday.  Praying!!

Shall We Dance?

That evening, after the audition, Aaron and I went on a date to dinner and a baseball game.  It was just what I needed; peace and distraction from my nerves and anxiousness for the audition results.

All auditions ended at 1 p.m. so I hoped for an e-mail that evening.  When I checked around 4 p.m. there was no news.  After the aud I felt as shaky about my performance as my legs had been.  I wanted a do-over so that I could better live in it and note how I actually did.  When getting ready for my date I tried to go back through it.  I stood in the shower letting the hot water wash off the haze from my memory.  It was like trying to recall a dream.  I quietly re-performed my songs in the shower.

Yeah...I did that.  I kind of remember hitting that.  OK.  I really did a good job.

I kept hanging onto Christina's praise that it was a "solid audition."  In other words I did great.  They showed interest and now we have to see if the other pieces fall into place.

Sunday morning I immediately checked my e-mail.

Nothing.

I made breakfast and tea and tried to loose myself in a book.  We had been given coupons for tickets to the Renaissance Festival and Aaron and the kids wanted to go.  I kind of wanted to stick near the computer but figured they were probably not going to do any announcements on Sunday.  Ren Fest would be another fun distraction.

I helped the boys put together knight costumes.  Apparently we had lost some armor in the move. :/  We were still able to put something convincing together with a ninja costume and capes.  The boys took up their arms and we were off!  It was, again, just what I needed.  I love my husband!  He can be a little odd and quiet but he knows just how to take care of me! *MUAH!*

On the way home from the festival I just couldn't help it.  When I was in range I checked my e-mails via my cell phone.  I scrolled past e-mails looking for the production managers name and then...there it was!

"Thank you for your audition Saturday. We would like to see you dance on Wednesday, June 15 at 7pm. After the dance audition we will ask to hear you again. You may expect additional audition materials via email shortly."

I held my breathe and pressed the phone to my heart.  Then I peeked at it again and started to laugh.  Still holding the phone tight to my chest I told Aaron,

"Um...I got the call back."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they asked me to go to the dance audition and want to hear me sing again.  They are sending me new material."

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you!!!!"

"Did you get the part mom?  Are you Evita?"  the boys asked from the back seat.

"Not yet but they are interested in me and want to see me dance now."

Those words sank in a bit.  Crap.  Am I actually excited to go to a dance audition? 

"Babe, they liked me!  They really liked me!"  I had a little Sally Fields moment.  But the dancing...eek.  I kept swinging between these two realities.  I was good enough, I was being considered, BUT I am not a strong dancer.  I have to dance for them.  BUT  they want me to sing again. They want me to sing after the dance audition so it needs to be memorable and good enough to over ride their doubts in my dance abilities.  I can learn if they are willing to just take the time!!!

I text Christina and Matt with the news.  The whole ride home I was responding to the praise and advice they were volleying to me.  I felt so blessed.  What a great team of supporters I had and how lucky that they are in the "biz."

Once home I shouted it from the roof tops i.e. Facebook and got an onslaught of congratulations from friends and family.  I'm so surprised by peoples interest and investment in this dream of mine.  I love my peeps. 

There is not much I can do to prepare for the dance audition.  I took my classes at Arthur Murray (see That 70's Show)  So once again, I find myself waiting for an e-mail.  This time one with new material attached.

YES! 

The Audition

I walked out of my house this morning on shaking legs.  I got in the car and put it in Drive.  Thank goodness the garage door was up or I would've gone through it.  I took a minute to calm myself down, set my iPod, and Reverse.  Evita soundtrack all the way!

I was early enough that I was able to do a run through of the songs and the monologue before getting back on my shaking legs and willing them to carry me into the performance center.

The production manager introduced himself to me and took my resume and head shot to make copies of.  There was another woman waiting.  We introduced ourselves to each other.  She was auditioning with her husband.  She had already held hers and was presently waiting on her husband.

He was knocking it out of the ball park!  I was so glad that I was not up against him for a role.

"So how do feel about your audition?"  I asked her.

"It was terrible," she confessed.

To her I said, "Oh no!  Why do you feel that you did badly?"  Inside I thought, "That may be good for me..." but I felt bad for her too.  Nothing is worse then working and preparing to perform and then your work not show.  Poop.

She did not feel that she did well on her songs.  I also asked her how they were running things in there.  What order are things done in?  Do you sing all of the songs or do they pick one?  I was informed that the monologue would be first (Thank God!  Let's get that turd over with) and then you can pick which song you want to sing and in which order. 

"Do you sing all of the songs?"  I asked.  She said no.  She sang all but one.

Her husband finished and I ran into the restroom for a breather and well...to use the restroom, and then I was up!

I met and shook the hands of the directors and then took the stage. 

The theatre is very small and intimate.  I think it seats 150 people.  This means one would be in the audience's face while performing!  They asked to hear the monologue first.  I had it memorized but did have a time or two where I got stuck.  In the last bit of it I forgot how that section started and I did look at the script then.  I felt like I stumbled over some of that but then was able to end strong.

So I thought.

They asked me to re-read the very end.

"Start from the part where you forgot the words."  Nice.

I was asked to recite it again keeping in mind that Eva was giving a speech to thousands and that I needed to be heard by all of them.  Basically he was asking me to project.  Seriously?  No problem.  I recited it again and totally kicked the ending's ass!  Hopefully they will remember how well I took direction and not about how I got stuck on it before starting it...  

Then it was time to sing.  I chose to sing Balcony Rosada (Don't Cry For Me Argentina) as it is the hub of the show.  I thanked the accompanist for playing for us and asked that he give me time to prepare.

"When I'm ready I will give you a nod and then, if you would, please count me in before you begin."

He agreed but did not comply.  In the middle of me picturing myself on a balcony before throngs of people *BAM* he started in on the intro!  No wait for my nod.  No count in.  Grrr.  My mind was mostly thinking of that and then the song was over. 

Did I do it?  Did I sing it how I'd been working on it?  What just happened?

The directors just sat there and I just stood there.

"Would you...like to hear...which song would you like to hear next?"

"Oh, we want to hear all of them!  You pick the order."

I chose Lament because I was pretty nerved up and was hoping to use that emotion to make myself cry.  I had been able to pull that off a couple of times when rehearsing at home.  I had big plans to move them to tears.  I gave the pianist a reminder that I needed a moment to switch gears.  I took my moment and then gave the nod. 

He began to play but it was faster then how I'd ever rehearsed it and it had more frills then the recording I had been working with.  I sang well but was again distracted by the accompanist and was not able to get as emotional as I had hoped.  He went so fast I was now feeling rushed.  Maybe they told him to keep it moving so that they did not get behind on appointments.

Finally I sang my last song, Buenos Aries.  It's a fun fast paced song.  I still felt a little "out of body" and was surprised to find that it was over but I felt good about what I had done.  The director then asked me to sing an E scale.  I couldn't compute what that meant for some reason and instead sang a warm-up in E.

"No, sing the full scale.  Go up and hold the high E.  Crescendo on it and really enjoy filling up the room and then descend down the scale.  Don't be nervous."

So I began again.  It was good.  She asked me to go up to an F scale.  I tore it up!  Then she asked me to sing the F# scale.  I hit that high note and it totally soared through the auditorium!  I shocked myself!  I had no idea I could sing that high.  It felt amazing!  She said it was very good and thanked me for auditioning.

My legs were still shaking as I carefully took the stairs off the stage.

When I got home I called Christina. 

"So what happens now?"  I sang to her.  We both laughed and I relayed the audition.

"That sounds great!  That sounds like a good solid audition."

Yea!  I'm so thrilled its done.  Now I wait.  They have call backs for a dance audition on Wednesday so I should know by Tuesday at the latest if I am still in consideration.  I can't believe that I am holding my breath, hoping and praying for a DANCE aud!

ToooooMorrow, ToMorrow, I Love Ya Tomorrow!!

Evita auditions are TooooooMorrow, ToMorrow!!

I laid in bed.  The morning sun wiped away a filmy residue of dreams and the Evita score internally blared in my head.

Tomorrow.

I immediately began a walk through of tomorrow's morning: what time I'll wake up, what I'll eat for breakfast, what I will wear, what time to get ready.  I decided which warm ups I'd do and imagined myself rehearsing my monologue and songs.  I practiced how I will introduce myself.  I practiced different scenarios of how the rehearsal could go.  Would they expect me to hold the reigns and decide which song(s) to sing and in what order or would they give all of the direction?  I tried to guess what questions they could possibly ask me and how I would answer them.

I found that my mind was multi-tasking for as I was thinking of the next morning I could hear my audition songs playing in my head; like the background music at the grocery store.  I have been trying to immerse myself in the materials they gave me for the past week.  Have I only had it for a week?  It seems like it's always been. 

All of my friends kids know the songs because I sing while they are over playing.  I sing in the shower, doing laundry, to the dog (who sleeps through it BTW), while cooking, while driving, in everything! 

Rehearsing the monologue is not much better.  Caren taught me a trick she used to tell her students to use when studying for tests, to put your notes in a Ziploc.  That way you can take them in the shower with you.  So I would address the people of Argentina in my shower, in the car, from my back deck, to my sons (who sadly now have it better memorized then I do), and to poor, poor Aaron who can hardly stand to entertain the socialist blather.  Whispered, shouted, and growled prayers are mingled in between each "take."  From time to time there is even a few "YES!  High five to You, God!  We nailed it."

I have had a few restless nights.  Often I would wake up in the night and the monologue is automatically running in my head or one of the songs.  The other night something was outside that had Drake (and all the other dogs in the hood) very upset.  He was barking all night.  Finally, at 3 a.m., Aaron let him out.  I kept waking up to the sound of him barking, growling, and galloping the perimeter of the yard.  This made for an interesting night of dreaming.  I would dream that I was performing but Drake kept barreling across the stage after another dog; barking, growling and galloping. 

In another dream Aaron and Shalah were playing catch.

With an eagle.

I was in between them.  Aaron would hold the eagle in his hands.  It's wings were folded and it's feet tucked up under it.  Aaron would underhand toss it over my head to Shalah and then she would do the same. At some point though Aaron started tossing the eagle willy nilly.  Sometimes a wing would be partly unfurled and a taloned claw would be protruding.  He would toss it anyway at a laughing and screaming Shalah who now had to try and catch this eagle that was partly in flight.  (Oh yes Shay....it was the donkey laugh.)

Today I'm going to rehearse one last time.  Caren and Kevin have been kind enough to allow me to come and perform for them tonight.  I wanted to get a little nervous rehearsing in.  It's funny how much scarier it is to perform for a small group then to a theatre of people.

So this is it.  I feel good!  I can only do my best and I'm proud of what I have to offer.  The rest they can decide....TooooooMorrow, ToMorrow!

To Be Or Not To Be? That Is The Question~

The Evita auditions are in 4 days. 




Just soaking that in a bit here...


I have taken dance classes.  I've met with a voice teacher/accompanist.  I'm rehearsing every day and memorizing my monologue.  I'm living in it as much as life with two kids and a husband will allow and as much as my health will allow.

I felt like yesterday was a wasted day because I was at doctors offices all day.  The Hypoglycemia does not seem to be improving with diet so I may need to see an endocrinologist.  On top of it I had optical migraines and vertigo.  This scared the doctor a bit (and me) because combined with the hypoglycemia symptoms it seemed something neurological could be going on.  So he sent me in for an MRI with contrast.  i.e. dye through an IV. 

While I laid there in the MRI...machine...I rehearsed my monologue in my head over and over and prayed that what ever was wrong was not going to interfere with my audition Saturday.  Turned out to be a sinus infection.  Whew!  Glad to have the peace of mind and the antibiotics but how I would love to get those hours back!

So last night I powered through my sinus headache and nausea and sang, sang, sang.  Then rehearsed the monologue out loud over and over and over.  I rehearsed in the shower, in the kitchen and in my room.  I can tell Aaron is annoyed.  I reminded him that if I get the part it will only get worse.  He said he knows but...I wonder if he REALLY knows. 

My sons are so supportive!  They were playing in their bedroom while I rehearsed.  At one point Drew came into the room and sat in front of my mirror with me while I sang.  The sweet look on his face!  I thought I would burst into to tears at the sight of the pride there.

"Mom you are such a beautiful singer," he sighed.

"Thank you love."

"Will you sing me Rainbow High?"

How could I refuse?  While singing Gabriel came in and sat with us.  They had their heads on my shoulders with such proud and pleased expressions.  It was so sweet!  Aaron peeked in at the middle of the song and told them it was bed time.

"Can I finish this song with the boys first?"

"Oh.  Yeah.  Sure."

When tucking them into bed Drew told me he hoped I would be Evita.  Gabriel vowed to take up his sword and avenge me if I was not.  I'll have to dampen that idea since the director of the show is his schools music teacher.

Though I really want to do this show I am also wrestling with all that I will have to give up to do it.  No Warrior Dash.  No trip to Atlanta with my beautiful Lauren.  No Hot Air Balloon Fiesta.  The time with my friends and family.  Funny how I just want a break from my job as a mom but now that I may get it (sort of) I'm feeling conflicted about it.  The application for auditions also asks if you would be willing to cut your hair for the role.  Meep.

Then Aaron tells me last night that he has been hoping to take me on a trip to NY this summer.  Just the two of us.  Really?  We have not gone on a trip alone in about 6 years and that was to a B&B 30 minutes from the house.  The last big trip we took together was our honeymoon nearly 13 years ago.  Now he wants to whisk me away?  NOW when there will be little to no time in my schedule?!

All of this was going through my head while I laid in bed last night.  I spooned Aaron.

"How do you feel about me doing this show?  Are you sure you are OK with it?"

"Yeah.  I want you to go for it if it's what you want."
"But you know how much of my time this will require of me?"

"Yeah."

He tells me I'm Eva.  He believes I can do it, I just think he wishes I wouldn't.  So I don't know what to hope for!  I prayed. 

God, I don't know what would be best.  I have been working so hard.  It would be an amazing role/show to do.  I hate that it means less time with my friends and family.  I miss Lauren!!  A trip alone with my husband......in New York...So I have to leave it all in Your hands Father.  Make the decision for me.  But oh how I want it!!!

I received another encouraging e-mail from Christina.  Such big things happening for her!  It's so awesome and I'm so proud to know her and to have her help.  She reminded me that so much of this is out of my control. 

"All you can control is what you do when you go in that room. Work it!"

She is so right.  It's in the hands of the directors and of God's.  Que sera sera!