Monday, August 22, 2011

"A" For Attitude

"Mom!  Mom!  Are you awake?"  Drew stage whispered in my ear at 6:00 this morning.  "I can't find any shorts to wear!"

"There are folded clothes on the couch in the basement," I mumbled.  "What time is it?"

"6:00,"  Aaron growled.

"Drew, it's too early.  Go back to bed."

"But I want to get ready for my first day of school!"

"It's too early..." I repeated as I tumbled out on to the floor and fumbled for my glasses.  Once I am awake there is no turning back. 

I tried to help Drew quietly get ready so that Gabe could sleep but...

"HEY!  Turn out the light!"  Gabriel shouted covering his head with a pillow.

"But I can't see where my shoes are Brother!" 

Gabe, like me, was not going to be able to go back to sleep and so he made the slow climb out of the top bunk and started to get ready too.

"Oh good grief, boys!  You are going to have hours to just sit around."

Drew was dressed, fed, lunch made and back pack on by 6:20.

"Awesome, son.  School starts in 3 hours.  Why don't you take your back pack off and relax."

But he couldn't relax.  Never has that boy been so excited for school!  Last year I was chasing him up the hill when he tried to make a run for it when the bus pulled up.

"We have a Runner!"  Caren would announce with a laugh while I hauled up the hill to catch the little turd. 

So this is definitely a welcome improvement!  I hope he keeps up the enthusiasm but starts keeping better hours...

Drew has a tendency for nose bleeds and had a doosey yesterday.  This morning there was some residual bleeding.

"Oh...I hope I don't have a bloody nose at my first day of school..." he whined.

"You'll be fine buddy and I'm sending your medicine just in case."

It's Aaron and I's 13 year anniversary and so he took the day off.  We decided to eschew the bus due to the large amounts of school supplies, and the whole family rode to school together.  Drew talked (shouted) the whole way there and Gabriel confessed to being apprehensive. 

"I heard my teacher is kind of tough,"  he said tentatively.

"I heard that he awesome!"  I encouraged, "He is one of the school favorites.  You are going to have a great year!"  Please God, let him have a great year...

At the school I dropped off the medicine for Drew's nose with the nurse.  While in the front office teachers came in enthusiastically greeting Drew and Gabe.  Everyone seemed pumped and optimistic!  When Drew got to his class we surveyed the desks to see what students were sitting where.  He clapped and cheered for friends that he made last year that would continue on with him this year.  He told his teacher (the best of the best, I must say) how excited he was to be there and to have her for his teacher.  We hugged and kissed him good bye.  Drew is going to have a stellar year.

Next we took Gabe to his class.  His teacher told him to find his name card and that he could then pick where he wanted to sit.  Gabriel found a spot on the second row in the center.  His class is mixed with 4th and 5th graders.  Gabriel is small for his age as it is and seeing him up against some of the 5th graders made me nervous for him.  Academically, I know he will do great.  Socially.... Eek!  I told Gabriel goodbye from the doorway and wished him a great day.  Aaron went over to tell him goodbye and they slapped each other a "five."  No hugs and kisses here.  Gotta keep it cool, yo.

After getting everyone off I had a visit with my nutritionist. 

Hello Scale!  Please love me today.

"You lost 1/2 a pound this week.  Not bad."

"Not great either," I countered.

"The scale is fickle.  Let's go to my office and figure this out."

I ate very healthy this week.  No deprivation but healthy choices and good portions.

"You have a caloric deficit this week so that is good and you got plenty of exercise."

"But I'm not losing."

"Last night you ate out."

"Yeah, a friend took me out to celebrate my birthday belated.  I feel like I made pretty healthy choices with my meal though we did have dessert.  It was split three ways though."

"Well, I'm not making excuses for you but when you eat out it tends to be saltier and so there is water retention.  You probably lost more this week then a 1/2 lb.  How did you do with recording your diet?"

"I only did 3 and a half days..."

"This week lets shoot for 5."

She then had me take a quiz and the results were all sorts of labels for the kind of eater and dieter I am.

"You are a Doubtful Dieter.  Why don't you think it will work?"

"Because it hasn't.  Even when I am on top of my diet and exercise I get stuck.  Back in Texas I was very good about things and I worked out 4-5 times a week.  I could never get past 135.  Now you and the doctor are trying to get me down to 130 and I don't see how I can do it.  I'm so far beyond 135 as it is I don't see how I can get under it."  (She told me they actually think 120 is a very realistic goal for me.  I didn't even weigh that in high school!)

We looked over some of the other quiz results. 

"You are a social eater.  You don't snack much at home but when food is set in front of you, you have to eat it."

"Yes.  I'd say that's right."

"Well, you are not going to stop socializing so let's talk about how you can manage these situations."

She gave me a pamphlet (that I have not read yet) with tips for social eating.  She encouraged me to be free to eat and enjoy my meals.  Ignore when my friends encourage me to eat more then I should.  Pay attention to when I am full.

"I'm going out to lunch with my husband for our anniversay right after this."

"Wonderful!  What will you have?"

"I don't know.  I don't know what is on the menu and I'm worried about that."

"Can you choose to eat a salad?'

I made a face.  "Not very festive."

"What would you like to order?"

"I don't know if it's on the menu but I would like pasta with some sort of creamy white sauce and bread."

"There will be wine?"

"Yes.  We are going to a winery so...that's a given."

"How about dessert?"

"We don't always order dessert but since we are celebrating our anniversary I am guessing that may happen."

"I think that sounds like a great lunch!  Go and enjoy it!  BUT eat it slowly and savor every bite.  Pay attention to when you are satisfied and take the rest home.  Have dessert but not if you are going to beat yourself up with guilt on the way home.  Do you do that?  Do you feel guilty after eating foods you label as 'bad?'"

"Not guilty...ugly.  I feel gross and ugly after eating too much or breaking a diet."

"We are not on any kind of 'diet' that is depriving.  I want you to enjoy food and eat what you like but you need to eat smaller portions, eat the food for the right reasons, stop when you are full and satisfied.  Nothing is going to change for you physically until you change what's going on for you mentally.  No one is better or lesser of a person because of their size."

"I don't think that of anyone else but myself.  I have friends who are more over weight then me but I think they are absolutely beautiful because their beautiful personalities make them so.  I think to myself, 'she's such a little hottie and she has a belly...why can't I pull that off?"

We talked about what that implies...  Ug.  I don't even want to rehash that.

So two more weeks.  I am to record my meals, keep exercising, make plans and practice what to do in social situations, enjoy my food, and love myself.

Aaron and I had a lovely lunch and I tried to apply what we discussed.  I ate half of my portobello panini and had a salad on the side.  We had a dessert flight, which were chocolate pairings with various dry wines.  The portions were small (and delicious!) and I left our meal with a doggy bag and feeling loved by my husband and content with myself. 

The boys missed their bus.  Sort of.  They were out front to get on the bus but the front office ladies saw Caren and her oldest daughter (a drop dead gorgeous bomb shell) waiting out front to pick up her youngest.  They mistook the young bomb shell for ME and told the boys that I was out there to take them home.  Obviously I was not there and so when the buses left they had to call Aaron and I to pick them up.  The boys took it all in stride.  I did too!  They thought I was that hot little number?! 

It was a good day.  A great day.  I am praying that the boys choose to keep their good attitudes about school and that I can choose to have a good attitude about me.  Positive talk only around here.  


  1. Always love your honesty! I can so relate to the eating and feeling defeated! When I get good patterns started I sabotage myself. Encouraged by your discussion with the nutritionist. Thanks.

  2. Oh I'm glad it helps you too! It's funny because when I saw my friend Olivia in NY (Biggest Loser Winner) I told her that I had hoped my nutritionist would set me on this diet and tell me some sort of secret tool for losing weight but she is not restricting me on anything and has no advice but to make healthy choices and exercise. (Like every magazine says.) Olivia said she felt the same way when she went to the Biggest Loser ranch. She was ready for Bob and Jillian to give her some secret food combo or something and it was just to do what you know you should. So I know how to lose weight, I think we all do, I just have some mind over matter things to deal with. It seems I am my biggest obstacle.