Valentine's night I told Aaron how I was feeling and what I thought was going on with me. His hands on my hips, he pulled me to him and kissed my head.
"Are you taking your B12?" he asked into my hair.
"Started it today."
He held me tight while I cried. (Let me clarify that when I said in my last blog that I wanted to leave it does not mean I am. I can recognize that this is a chemical issue not a husband issue. I have a very loving and supportive husband that I would be a complete idiot to ever let go of. That and he and my sons would be wandering the streets after about 4 days of my being gone.)
Baking Day was yesterday and I did not want to go. Aaron encouraged me to go and be around my friends. I was....very short on patience. I hope they could not tell that I wanted to smack their face. Ha! I thought of leaving for a walk. I had told Caren how I was feeling. She said if I go for a walk I could take her dogs but she thought I should stay too.
"You'll be home alone all day tomorrow."
I think she knew that if I left I was not coming back. Ug.
I also had book club last night. We just started it and last night was the first meeting. Again, it was not an option for me to miss it. I have to say it seemed to help. Rather, I think the wine served help. That's not necessarily good either. Poop. Do I have to give that up again? I make it a point not to drink when I'm down...
This morning I felt pretty good! Maybe it was just a little funk after all. But no. As the day goes on I feel the heaviness settling in on me.
I went grocery shopping.
I decided that I should have a sugary warm cup of Starbucks and a cranberry-orange scone. The grocery store Starbucks does not carry the cranberry-orange scone. Curses! Probably all for the better though. I was just spared unnecessary calories.
Dieting sucks when you are blue.
This got me to thinking: maybe I'm down because of the diet. Wouldn't it be awesome to go to the Dr. and have him say, "Ma'am, this diet is really bringing you down. I think you need to resume allowing sugar in your daily diet. Continue scarfing down warm baked bread and large bowls of pasta."
*whips our prescription pad. Scribble, scribble.*
"Now go home and eat a plate full of those peanut butter cookies Kathy made yesterday."
I shopped with out a list today. Dumb. So, I went up and down every aisle. It was kind of nice to just stroll around with no agenda. Well, there is the need for groceries at the house but nothing feels all that important right now. Yes, there is a 4 foot high pile of laundry to tend to and a sink full of dishes and my family would like to eat but...c'est la vie.
I bought some hair bands. This morning I thought a loose and romantic side braid would be lovely but I did not have any hair bands. So instead I have loose and romantic down hair. I also bought things to make my own cranberry-orange scones. Screw you Starbucks! Hm...what else? A decorating magazine, some new markers and a birthday card for my sister (even though her birthday is not until June.)
The greeting card aisle was an unexpected pleasure! If you are ever needing a pick me up you should try perusing the cards. I was quite amused; tickled even.
So, I'm home now and must really face that laundry pile up... Sorry for the extra blog but it is theraputic and sometimes dark and twisty moods can be a fabulous muse.