Monday, February 28, 2011

And The Oscar Goes To....

Though Spring can sometimes weigh heavy on me there is one part of Spring that I look forward to every year.  Though dear to me; it is not the blooming of Texas Bluebonnets. It is another gorgeous display that I most look forward to: the red carpet of the Academy Awards!!  I cry every year.

I don't see many movies but I still wildly anticipate the Oscars!  Aaron used to get annoyed because it takes nearly a whole day up.  I have to watch the Red Carpet entrances and then the show (which takes a good three hours.)

"My dear, this happens once a year.  Maybe you can better understand it this way: The Red Carpet is my "pre-game show" and the Oscars is my Super Bowl.  You will spend a whole Sunday afternoon watching a pre-game show, a three hour game, followed by a post-game commentary all for two teams that you are not even cheering for.  And you will do this every Sunday.  I am only asking for this one Sunday a year."

Once I put it to him that way, he has henceforth made sure that I am on the couch with a glass of wine in hand and undisturbed by house or kids for this one glorious Sunday a year! *Muah!*  That is a fine man!

For the most part, I was very pleased with the fashion on the carpet this year.  Penelope Cruz looked amazing!  She has just had a baby and she still rocked a gorgeous ruby dress.  What happened to Nicole Kidman?  You can usually bank on her looking lovely.  It looked like she took her dress out of Jane Jetson's closet this year.  From straight on it looked....OK but from every other angle it looked cumbersome.  Even her hair was a disappointment.  A sleek pony tail is a good go-to but tend to you bangs woman!  It was a bit of a mess.  *tear*

I was disappointed with James Franco and Anne Hathaway as hosts.  To be fair, I don't think it was entirely their fault.  It was the producers fault.  Who wrote their crap lines?  And poor Anne kept trying to encourage the audience to laugh by awkwardly giggling like a pre-teen.  James would just sort of scan the audience with his eyes looking for someone who found the joke funny.  Anybody?  Anybody?  No?  (Also James, I suspect that you are a smoker.  Please stop.  Your pallor is grey and your teeth are stained.  You have too charming a smile to allow cigarettes to ruin it.)  Also disturbing was the way Anne would "WOO!  WOO!"  like a train every time she introduced a presenter.  It's like she was in the track scene of My Fair Lady.  "COME ON DOVER!  MOVE YOUR BLOOMIN' ASS!"  Anne dear, we all know that you went to Princess School and can be a picture of charm, grace, and elegance.  Please bring that to the Oscars if you should ever be asked to host again.  I did love seeing all of her lovely gowns.  My favorite was the gold fringy one.  I could not blame her for giving it a good shaky-shaky for the audience. 

I understand that these two were brought in to give 83 year old Oscar a face lift but the Academy Awards will be watched regardless of how young and hip it is.  It is the one time of year where a room full of adults, who get to play make-believe and dress-up for a living, gather together to celebrate their craft. This one night (or for at least the three hours of the show) they "act" like adults.  They are in their big girl clothes and he in his gentleman's tux.  Yes, when the show is over they go to after parties that would rival any college frat but for those three hours they are ladies and gentlemen.  Stay classy, Oscar.


Dame Helen Mirren - Her body is so freakin' LIVE!  I don't care if she bought it.  The Dame is rockin' it.  I am not ashamed to say that I have a little bit of a girl crush on her.  I don't care if she could be my grandmother.  She's hot.

Matthew McConaughey - I melted.  Not because he's so pretty but it did my soul good to hear that gorgeous Texas accent tick off the titles of the films he was presenting for. 

The Best Supporting Actress Speech -  was fun and funny!  She apologized for dropping the *F*bomb but it was really one of the highlights of the night.

Kirk Douglas -  He stole the show.  I loved it!  Of course, I have a thing for old men so...there's that.  His flirting with Anne Hathaway and then the way he teased the actresses just before opening the envelope; prolonging their anticipation...  That was awesome!  And that was him, not some writer.  (Obviously.  Because the writers were TERRIBLE!!!)

Randy Newman - what a legend!  He is amazing.  That's all I have to say.

Oprah - Why?  Why does she have to wobble out in her Spanx for every little show?  Go away!!!

Gwyneth Paltrow -  OK, this has got to stop.  I know she sang in her last movie and she did well.  She can carry a tune.  But she is NOT a singer.  She's an actress with a mediocre voice.  Poor Jennifer Hudson (a REAL singer) had to stand there and introduce Gwyneth?!  Gwyneth could not make it through the first round of American Idol auditions!  But she grew up in Hollywood, daughter of a prestigious family, and the Big Wigs of that town go "Oh!  Look at little Gwynn!  She's all grown up.  *Gasp!* She can sing!  Who knew?  Let's have her do it again and again!"  Like doting Grandparents they think she can do no wrong. 

For the rest of us I liken it to the scene in French Kiss when Meg Ryan's character indulges in a smorgasbord of French cheese while riding a train.  While the train chugs through the beautiful French countryside "it" hits her.  She grimaces and slowly rubs her stomach.

"Oh God..." she says smacking her tongue from the roof of her mouth.  "Here we go..." she grips the sides of the table, "Stop the rolling!  Stop the rolling!  Spasm!  Spasm!  It's here....LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!!!"

Every time Gwyneth P. sings that scene goes through my mind.

"Stop the singing!  Stop the singing!  Spasm!  Spasm!  It's here....PALTROW INTOLERANCE!!!!"

I actually really like her.  When they  make the singing stop I'm sure I can enjoy the sight of her again.

Lena Horne - They showed a clip of her singing my favorite of her songs!  She was an amazing woman.  (Get a load of those Victory Rolls she sported.  Perfection!)

Collin Firth - Is it the accent?  He just makes me swoon.  It has to be the accent.  I love how the British are so deadpan.  His acceptance speech was classic.  I loved how he spoke so calmly and eloquently about the fact that if he did not get off the stage soon he would break out into dance in front of everyone.  What a doll!

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. - a great team.  They play off of each other so well.  More of this please!

Billy Crystal - When he walked out on to the stage I felt like a child climbing into Daddy's lap. Safe, sure and comforted. We knew he would be classy, funny, and adorable. Thank you Mr. Crystal. You will forever be the King of the Oscars to me.

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