Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"So why oh why oh why the hell can't I?"

The Evita auditions were finally officially posted.  The dates for rehearsals will interfere with our summer visit to Texas, cutting it short about a week.  I think I'm OK with that.  The kids won't be but...  Also means no Warrior Dash.  (Can't remember if I shared about that yet.  It's an amazing 7k obstacle course through mud and fire, I kid you not.  My team was going to be dressed like Wonder Woman!)  Even more devastating than that is that there will be a dance audition for the lead.  WHY GOD?!  WHY?!!!  WAAAAAGH!  *sniff*  It's OK.  I'm good. 

Last night I was out with all of my Mountain Women and they were all so confident that I would soon be Eva Peron.  I left feeling high from their encouragement and faith in me!  I felt like I was going to be able to really do it.  Amazing how quickly that balloon deflates when an obstacle is set in your way.  You know....like feet.

I read the audition post this morning while getting the kids ready for school.  I was completely flipped.  I planned to drive the boys to the bus stop this so that I would go straight to the gym to train for the Warrior Dash.  Since I had only a chance to quickly read over the rehearsal dates I was not completely sure if the Dash was out or not.  I tossed the boys in the car and began to back out my driveway. 

My house is on a hill.  A huge mountain type hill.  There is a big dip on the drivers side of the driveway.  If one goes off the road they could roll down a pretty steep hill side into trees.  I normally have no problem backing down but, like I said, I was flipped.  So I back out and felt my back driver side tire go off the edge.  I turned my wheel all the way right and tried to move forward up out off of the ledge.  Nothing.  Darn this car!  Where is my four wheel drive?!!!  I ordered the kids out of the car and told them to start to walk to the bus stop.


"Because Mommy's car is hanging off of a cliff."

So...a small exaggeration but I wanted them to move it!  After they were out I said a quick prayer, turned the wheel all the way to the left and went in reverse.  Nothing. 



"PLEASE!!!"  I shouted to the Heavens.  I tried again, flooring the pedal and my will.  Finally, she gave it her all and popped up back onto the road again. 

I went on to the bus stop to bid my adieus.  Caren was there and I told her about the dance audition.

"And...I don't think I will get to do Warrior Dash."

"Well, you should still train like you are," Caren said.


But she's right.  I have been so excited to see my performance improve.  I've never ran a day in my life and in 4 runs I've shaved 4 min. off of my time.  A time that was really good to begin with!

I turned my car up the hill and headed to the gym.  The whole time I was arguing with myself as to why I was going to even run today.  I have a hard time running when I'm preoccupied.  My mind was racing. 

What were those dates again?  Will the boys understand cutting our trip short?  Will our friends?  If it comes down to Evita or the Warrior Dash I'm totally doing Evita.  *sigh* That means I don't get to wear my Wonder Woman costume...

I thought of turning the car around to go home and re-read the post again but then I realized I was already at the gym.  Reluctantly, I got out of my car and headed in.  With the Evita soundtrack blaring on my iPod, I ran.  I would love to tell you that I shaved another 2 minutes off of my time but the truth is I quit after 22 min. (1.7 miles). 

Once home I re-read the audition.  Yes, my trip will have to be cut short but even at that I will miss the first two rehearsals.  A trip planned in September will also have to go by the way-side.  Goodbye Warrior Dash/Wonder Woman costume.  And that "dance audition for leads" was still on there.  CURSES!

I went downstairs to catch up on Dancing with the Stars.  I boo-hooed during my favorite dances.  Oh and P.S.  Did ya'll see the Dove Challenge Dance?  It was during an extended commercial so you might have FF right through it.  It was so lame!  It didn't even look like they showed her whole dance!  I was so disappointed for her.  I would've been upset if I worked hard for a whole week and then a blip of what I did was shown.

When it was all over I sat on the couch a bit thinking....If for some hand-of-God-reason I get the part it would be like an accumulated event of all my dreams.  Sing, act AND dance!  Tonight, Olivia and Hannah...one of them is going to win the Biggest Loser.  Drake can walk at a heel.  Mom has lost nearly 30 lbs.  People are overcoming all around me.  I'm in total terror.  You know what that means....

"Finally, she gave it her all and popped up back onto the road again."

Begin video at 2:55...

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