The past few weeks (nutrition wise) have been tough. My body has felt exhausted! The rehearsals on top of workouts have left me feeling tired and worn. Despite all of the work and the conscious effort to make healthy food choices, I have felt sluggish and fat. Every time I caught a glimpse of my reflection I was repulsed and my clothes felt tight.
Last week I had a relapse in my diet because of a bad day with my son. That's the day I let myself buy the Lime Tostito Chips (soooo good) and it started a little bit of a snowball. The following day I figured I had ruined everything from the chips so I ate hazardously and did not quit until about half way through the day after that! It can take two weeks to lose two pounds and just one day to gain it all back. So the rest of the week I felt defeated and certain that I had sabotaged and failed myself.
"I just feel gross, fat, grumpy and all I want to do is eat. It's like I'm on my period," I half joked to Caren. I don't have the equipment for such a thing so that could not be it. "I do have the one ovary though...maybe I'm ovulating."
"Still?!" Caren laughed, "You've been saying that for over a week now."
Hmmm.
This morning I met with my nutritionist. Even though I was careless with my diet a couple of days the rest of the 2 1/2 weeks I made very conscious and careful choices and I've worked out hard. I felt certain that there would be a loss on the scale. I hoped for 5 but knew that it would likely be more like 2 or 3. Sure enough...
"You're down two and half," my nutritionist announced.
"Good," I said but I was still a bit disappointed. That was a lot of work for very little movement on the scale.
We discussed the previous weeks and I included the tale of the Lime Tostitos.
"When I hear you talk I hear a lot of negative and a lot of unrealistic expectations," my nutritionist began, "A pound a week is excellent and it's the pace you want for weight loss. This sort of pace is the kind you want if you are going to keep it off permanently."
"Well that's good but it is disheartening to work so hard for so little results."
"It is. No doubt. It's so much easier to gain the weight then to take it off. But you have to be prepared for a long hard fight and not expect a 6 pound weight loss at a weigh in. Tell me about the day you bought the chips. What was going on?"
I retold how my son had been sick and was in a bad mood and ugly at the doctors office. I was tired from the long week of daily chores, activities, work outs and rehearsals. At the grocery store I had to wait 20 min. for my sons prescription to be filled and so was left to my own devices.
"I knew it was a bad idea to buy the chips but I just needed to feel better."
"What did you say to yourself when you saw the chips?"
"'Screw it.'"
She made a chart that said Event with an arrow to Thoughts to Feelings to Action. She wrote "delay at grocery" under Event and "Screw it" under Thoughts. She also pointed out that the thoughts come before the feelings. So true. I always tell my children, "You control your emotions. It starts in your head. Decide how you will feel about things."
"Really your first thought when you saw the chips was 'I need to feel better.' You thought the chips could do that. And they did but maybe a hug from your husband when you got home would do the same. You need to tell yourself encouraging words and TRUTHFUL words. You said when you work out you are mad afterwards because you don't feel better and you don't feel like there are results but there are. Even if you can't see them, there are so don't think, 'this isn't working.' Think, 'I can't see it but I know inside big things are happening and I'm getting results.' Don't think, 'screw it' in defeat to your diet, think 'that would make me feel better for a short time but for days, weeks, possibly months after, I will be unhappy because of that one bag of chips.' Why did you feel that there was not any progress this week? Because there was. Two and half pounds is excellent."
"I just felt big and someone took pictures at rehearsal and posted it on Facebook. When I saw it I just thought I looked gross."
"But you don't. That is not true. You are in great shape!"
"I feel that way today, I have no idea why I woke up this morning feeling svelte and cute when for the past two weeks I've felt disgusting."
"You have to stop telling yourself lies. You have to replace the negative and discouraging thoughts with positive and encouraging ones."
I will. I can. I do. I want, I thought. This is something my friend and Drew's teacher, Julia, always tells her students.
"When you wanted the Lime Chips you said that you knew you should resist, that it would be sabotage. So instead of 'screw it' what could you say?"
"I will. I can. I do. I want. I will resist the chips. I can make a better choice. I do have the will power to walk away. I want to be healthy."
"That's perfect!"
"My sons teacher says it. Also there is some verse in the Bible that just came to me about having control of your thoughts....?"
"It's take captive your thoughts."
"That's it! That just came to mind."
"You should put that on a post it somewhere you will see it. Also there is a verse that says 'Whatever is good, whatever is TRUE..."
"Yes! Yes! I know that one!"
"So you have to stop the negative thoughts."
I again thought of my Pillar of Positives on the kitchen wall. I did not need to write positive things about me on it. I needed to write encouragement. At home I wrote Julia's words on the chalk board "I can. I will. I do. I want.", 2 Cor 10:5 "Take captive EVERY thought," and Philippians 4:8 "Whatever is noble, whatever is TRUE, whatever is right, pure, lovely, whatever is admirable, think (meditate) on such things."
Caren and I decided to take the kids to lunch today (they were off for testing.)
"I thought a hike would be fun but the boys always whine..."
"Let's do it!" Caren encouraged. "We won't say we are hiking. We'll tell them we are mushroom hunting."
"I'd really like to try. I need some exercise today and I want them active."
It was a gorgeous day! The sun was warm but tempered by a cool fall breeze. We took our time enjoying scenery and tales of fairies and natives. The kids collected interesting flowers and leaves.
Drew and Caren's daughter kept running ahead to Aspen groves to rub the tree bark. The trunks of Aspens are white and it is said that Native Americans would rub the white off Aspen trunks and then wipe it onto their own skin as a sunblock. Drew and his little friend would rub their hands all over the Aspens and then onto their sweet round cheeks.
"This is great sunblock!" Drew shouted, "It's like rubbing powdered sugar all over!"
Mushrooms are found at the base of trees. Up the trail Caren spied some trees that she thought could have some mushrooms afoot.
"Hey guys! Look at this! It's like a little fort!"
The children ran to Caren and slipped under the reaching branches of the trees. The trees were growing in a small circle and provided a perfect little hiding spot. No mushrooms but lots of idea about who might use such a spot.
"Maybe deer take shelter in there..." Caren prompted.
The Aspen leaves are just beginning to turn and had sprinkled a few golden trinkets on the trail. The kids gathered up their favorites and we schemed to make an art piece with them. Unusual for Colorado this time of year, we came upon a clearing of butter colored snapdragons.
"It's like a Fairy Land," Caren's daughter sighed.
The kids saw another grove of Aspens and ran ahead to reapply their "sunscreen."
"Caren, check that out," I said pointing to a little container partially hidden under a tree and some bark. The tree it was leaning against was scorched by fire at some point.
"What do you think that is? You don't think someone tried to start a fire there do you?" I asked her.
"I don't know...what is that? Maybe someones pot stash?"
"Ha ha! Could be! Get it!"
"You get it."
I bent under the tree while Caren held back the curtain of branches. There was a small Tupperware container with a note attached to the outside.
"Oh! I bet this a Geo-caching thing," I guessed. It was actually something called Letterboxing. It's similar to the Geo-caching but instead of a treasure inside there is a little book where the finders leave a stamp. The supplier of the "hunt" also leaves a stamp for the finders to stamp their own books with. We put everything back and called the kids over to let them "discover" it.
While examining the letterboxing an elderly couple approached.
"Quick! Put it back!" Gabriel instructed, "They might be hunting for the letterbox!"
They were not hunting letters but raspberries. The couple had little luck with the raspberries but had a bucket full of ruby red rose hips. The woman said you could make jam with them. We asked to be shown what the raspberry bushes looked like. Maybe we could find some next summer. The couple carried on, as did we.
Caren and I paid more attention to the raspberry bushes this time and I found a few scrawny ones. The kids were delighted and began focusing their attention on berry picking. We gathered all of 5 raspberries and loads and loads of the beautiful rose hips!
Our pockets full and shirt fronts cradling berries, flowers and leaves; we headed home to examine our treasures.
"This has been an amazing day!" Drew cheered.
Caren and I had to agree. What a delicious afternoon!
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