Bunco Babes

There are some ladies, in my quiet little neighborhood, who have a Bunco group. Bunco is a dice game, very easy and mindless. It's perfect for something to do while you chit chat. Plus you change partners and tables and so you get to catch up with everyone. In our group the hostess feeds us all a meal with dessert included in the "half-time."

I can't remember how I got wrangled into this little group but the first thing I thought after an evening with everyone is how much I would love to write about these ladies. They are all such characters!

The most outrageous would have to be Dixie (the names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Dixie, is the queen of Bunco and often introduces herself that way. A friend of mine actually cutrsied to her when they first met. Dixie is an older woman, in her 70's. She comes to Bunco dressed to the NINES! Heels, rhinestones, bangles, huge earrings, make up and all. Last night when I arrived she was sporting a blonde wig styled in a sleek bob and a dress that proudly advertised her cleavage. Did I mention she is somewhere in her 70's? One always gives another a heads up before meeting Dixie because she is a tough cookie (to say the least.) She does not mince words. She is harsh and gruff. Her smile is kind of sinister really. Maybe that's because it usually follows a wicked idea or barb at someone's expense. And she's great! She's truly a fun loving gal who is out for fun. You just have to know that coming in so that you don't get your feelings hurt. The best way to handle Dixie is to dish it right back and she loves that. I assure you the old broad can take it.

Brenda was the next character I met. She is an older gal too though I'm not really sure her age. Her husband is gone alot because he's in the military. She also likes to dress up for Bunco. The first time I met her she had bling all over her shirt. Last night it was a lovely steel colored silk blouse and black slacks. Her glasses have little rhinestones on them. She can be kind of quiet but I can see a little "freak" in her eye. I suspect that she's quiet to keep from going off on some of these ladies. Brenda is African American and let me say that most of these ladies are ignorant of other cultures. Partly because of old fashioned ways and I like to think that it's just because they have not experienced other cultures, religions and political beliefs enough to care for people that are different. Their insensitivites are irksome to say the least. Not that I've experienced great adversary due to race but I have been privy to nasty and ridiculous assumptions of hispanics and so I'm sure Brenda has dealt with plenty of that too. I find that more times than not it really is due to ignorance and inexperience than to hatred.

There is Miss Wanda who was the former best friend of Dixie. These two can't seem to stand each other and are always whispering unkind remarks about the other to the rest of the group that we all just ignore. They had some sort of falling about but neither one will leave the group. Wanda is uber sensitive and insecure.

And there is Tammy. Tammy is a "professional garage saler." She holds big garage sales almost every weeknd and when she is not selling she is out at other garage sales buying their stuff to sell at hers. She is about my age and GORGEOUS!

So last night I got to Bunco late because my husband had a meeting. You can't really be that late to Bunco because everyone eats first so you have a good 1/2 hour of wiggle room. I walk in "late" and Wanda greets me with "You're late. I will have to microwave your food because it's cold now."

"Well, hello Wanda! Sorry to be late, I had to wait for my husband to return. The food looks great. Oh, no need to reheat it! It's plenty warm still. Dixie! Wow! Look at you! You're blonde tonight! Your dress is...wow..fancy?"

"It's Vera Wang. Look at the cake I brought for Stephanie's birthday." (You can get Vera Wang at Kohl's now people.)

I fixed a plate with Dixie on my heels making sure that I got some of EVERYTHING, insisting that nobody can diet on Bunco night. I scarfed it all down and we got the dice rolling.

We were short one player which was Dixie's favorite topic last night because clearly this would not have happened if Wanda would have just called her. There is simply no excuse for not having enough players. She has a whole list of ladies just dying to break into our Bunco group. Two months ago when Shelly hosted we were short a player and Dixie did not bat a false eyelash about it. I remided her of this but Dixie can have selctive hearing. Despite the missing player everything went as it should.

Then I end up at a table with Tammy.

"So what do ya'll think of this healthcare reform bill getting passed? I am so upset by this. I don't trust him. He hates America and he hates Christians and my Aunt is really big into end time prophesies and she said if anything happens to Mount Rushmore, ya'll you've gotta get outta here!"

"Seriously, Tammy? Mount Rushmore?" I say

"Oh yeah, she says that prophesies say there will be earthquakes and..."

"Tammy, are you telling me the Bible speaks of Mount Rushmore in Revelations?"

"Well, no but she said..."

"You know, the Bible says not to worry about that stuff. So, I just don't entertain all of that."

So then Tammy moves onto another subject.

"What's with the hillbillies that live next door to ya'll?" (Ok, I can kind of give her that one. They sort of are hillbillies. That's another blog entry.) "What's up with their garage door? It took them forever to get that taken care of..."

"Roll the dice Tammy."

"...and they keep their dog cooped up in there..."

"Roll."

"I'm tellin' you I think that thing is part pitbull. If they keep cooping him up...."

Finally I get to move to a new table and I spent the rest of the night telling my partner that we had to win or lose based on where Tammy was headed because I did not want to sit at her table again. I could hear her talking about politics and the end times at each table she moved to. Going on about how Obama is the anti-christ and his saliva has venom in it. (Ok, so she did not say his saliva had venom. I added that part. But I bet if her Aunt had told that she would believe it.)

The night ended with one of my good friends winning the big pot and with a few of us trying to be able to tell if Brenda had a bra on or not. It was awesome!

In reading over this it may sound like an awful bunch of broads but we really do have fun! The normal stuff is just not nearly as interesting as the wacky things that are innermingling with it. You just gotta keep rolling the dice and moving tables. You get to know so much about people that way.